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Lead or be led
Some people believe that most people are unable to manage their own lives, they need an outside influence or external rules to keep their lives in order. Others believe that morality, principles and governance should come from an internal, intrinsic place. That it is more powerful, fortified, valuable and long-lasting to have it be an embedded character. Maybe that’s what should be sought after and seeking to be that is the endeavor.
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Ambition with Compassion
Listening to a recent conversation about capitalism and the people that get left behind in this type of framework. The question arises, what about compassion, where is compassion for the people that can’t survive or thrive under this “do or die” economics. The crux of the argument turns toward the belief in the individual, the belief in the human spirit. That an individual in the most, challenging, oppressive and impossible circumstances can persevere, overcome and succeed, with hard work, determination and belief. The opposing argument is that not everyone has the capacity to overcome those circumstances, to have either the intelligence, capacity, ability, potential or will-power to overcome and persevere.
The question is does this framework only reward those that have that “will-power” and inherently produce those that will be “left behind”. It is a very individualistic endeavor to try and better yourself, to strive for more, rise up out of your given circumstances. There are a lot of outside forces and influences that will try and keep you down where you “belong”. You’ll be lucky to have a rare few people believe in you, if any. It’s a very lonely process, if you’re the first to try and the people around you don’t know how to get to where you want to go, all you’ll have to get through it is your guts and stubborn persistence. You’ll have to go against and break everyone’s expectations and perceptions. It’s that grind, that mindset that many “successful” people have that gets them out of their situations.
And it’s that mindset that also produces the belief, “If I can do it, anyone can do it”, that it doesn’t require a special person or some special ability and talent that it’s based on a very simple decision but very difficult to carry out and sustain. But it’s the freedom to make that decision, that anything is possible that empowers that decision.
But this mindset can create alienation from those that haven’t made the decision to “better” their situation, when they think too highly of their own abilities and what they’ve accomplished. But it can and should create more sympathy and compassion and understanding of how difficult it is, for all the dominoes to fall into place for the decision, experience, knowledge, ability, people, circumstance and even luck to create, generate and push forward the upward momentum.
It’s the ambition that drives the individualist out of whatever difficult circumstance they’re in, to go to college, own a small business or get a professional career. But the ambition should serve and be done for the sake of compassion, sympathy and understanding. That is really the only way both can be in service to and coexist with each other.
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Ultra-Winners
Competition. The goal to win. “Winners” and “Losers”. Virtually everything we do is based in a competition. Grades, A’s, B’s, C’s, D’s and F’s used to rank and separate the ones who achieve and those that aren’t making the curve. Applying to schools, applying to jobs, applying to anything, achievement in sports, arts, even cooking is a competition, measuring and judging merit, ability, achievement. Competition frames one of our most primal instincts, “survival of the fittest”. Finding that talent, that thing you’re good at and excelling at it, to be better, be valued, gain relevance and importance.
But where does that leave those that aren’t able to function in this framework. Those that found themselves on the “losing” end, one too many times, to believe they can ever be a “winner”. To be told they’ll “never amount to anything”. Never being exposed to other definitions of opportunity, ability and “success”. Being forced to assimilate and comply into the narrow path of “success” defined by others or a system, they know is not for them or not what they want to do.
It may look like laziness, lack of motivation, indecisiveness, no drive or ambition. This social competitive framework is not conducive for people like that. It’s difficult, many get left behind, “fall through the cracks”. But as much as the competition creates gaps and a section of population under the curve, competition is the basis that has pushed technology, advances in medicine and health and modern conveniences forward.
Competition is an innate primal instinct. I don’t think it can be eliminated for the benefit of trying to establish humanitarian equilibrium. It would be trying to remove a survival instinct as primal as finding shelter and safety. I think we would all want the top-performing doctors treating our loved-ones in an important life-saving surgery. So where can those that don’t assimilate into the competitive framework find solace, find refuge, perseverance and value. Are they just destined to be left behind be crushed under the weight of the ambitious and ultra-competitive.
Is there a place for us? I think first is to accept that the competitive framework is what it is, it exists, it has its place in nature and has been survival instinct that has kept us alive as a species. Without having to fight it or trying to change it but learn how to operate within it, find our value in it, being stronger under the weight of the competitive mass and not be crushed by it.
If you don’t value being outshining than the person next to you, feeling good that you’ve beat someone, or driven by ambition and working harder to “win”, where it’s just enough to be better than those around you. Then find value in the work, find satisfaction in the process, loving the details, the art of mastery. Without having to be “better” than others, having to beat them out. Know that skill and mastery are still valued, even in a society where competition runs the world and “only the winners reap all the rewards”. There are rewards for the art of mastery, craftsmanship, artistry, people who love what they do. It is a fortified mindset, an adopted mentality, it’s not something we’re taught or valued, it’s the long-route, long-suffering, that must endure but can flourish and be an inspiration and ideal in a society obsessed with competition and finding the ultra-winners.
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Differences United
Our differences. One of the things that makes us different from each other are our strengths. Intelligence, physical ability, compassion, understanding, communicating, leading, serving, nurturing, seeing… it’s an endless list of all our greatest talents. Literally, our differences are our strengths. But instead of our strengths uniting us and using our differences as strengths, we use our differences to divide and our strengths against each other. We are all on a spectrum of diversity, ability, understanding and contribution. Everyone brings something different to the table, sometimes we see someone else’s differences as incompatible, antagonistic, an attack to our own difference but accepting, respecting and being grateful for those differences would be a way to overcome and unite.
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In the sky, on the ground
It’s a privilege to be able to grow and mature develop at your own pace but what if life is thrust upon you, a loss, a tragedy, something completely out of your control. Where you’re thrown into a situation where you’re left to either sink or swim, what if you can’t keep up with the pace, and you fall through the cracks, no one there to help you, left to figure it out for yourself, ending in two possible outcomes: endure and persevere or unable to survive.
Unfortunately, most people don’t care, that is most people have their own lives, responsibilities, stress that they’re taking care of. Most people just don’t have the capacity, time, wisdom, knowledge and resources to help in the very individualized and involved way that’s necessary. There are those saints and angels out there, but they are so few and so rare. It’s just not something that we can reliably depend on to be there for us in our most desperate time of need.
But at the lowest of lows, we see and hear stories of the human spirit, how people are able to persevere dire circumstances and get themselves out, while many others that can’t. What’s the difference? Were they smarter? More skilled? Lucky? Better abilities? I don’t think so. I think there are many different people with many different abilities, resources and potential that end up scattered all over the map.
Maybe one difference is as simple as a belief that things will get better. But how do you use that belief in reality?
Maybe we can try to see things from the sky, through a bird but also seeing things from the ground, through a turtle. From a bird’s eye-view, life can be seen as a path, the journey as a whole. Then on the ground, through the turtle, we can take each day as just a day, not a defining, fatalistic instance. Each day is just a trajectory. Don’t judge yourself in the here and now, see yourself through life in its entirety as a whole.
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multi-hyper-focus
When you’re trying to create a new habit, build a progression, develop a mastery, doing that thing for 10-20 minutes everyday for that week is much more valuable than doing it for 2, 4 or even 8 hours for just one day that week.
It’s about overcoming inertia and creating momentum. The secret is that 10-20 minutes will expand and grow into an hour, then even more hours. But they will be high quality, intentional, efficient, focused hours. So you won’t even need to go to 4 or 8 hours. You will be multi-hyper-focused, able to jump from one task to another, juggling different responsibilities, able to accomplish multiple things in a day, week, month, year.
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Don’t drown in the extra effort
When stacking a new habit onto your progression, it’s okay to peel back one of your existing habits to acquire the new one. Acquiring the new habit requires extra energy units because of the learning curve, creating new neural pathways, attention, focus, effort and time. After a week or so, bring back the habit you’d put on standby, once the learning and acquisition efforts of the new habit have stabilized and plateaued.
