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Angriest
Does anything good come from anger? Or can you at the least produce an equal or more constructive and productive outcome with something better than anger?
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Insecurity Blanket
Insecurity Blanket makes you want to try harder, do more, be better, fit in, be accepted.
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Like grains of sand
Another thought I’d have as as a child, thinking about how many people have existed all through history. Every single person. Every single man, woman and child. It must be as many grains of sand there are on a beach. Thinking about every person, every life must’ve been so different but with that many people, that many experiences, thoughts and decisions, there must’ve been someone that might have had the same thoughts or feelings, similar responses and experiences as me. Someone that might’ve thought similar to me, or shared the same thought or idea. So maybe all thoughts or ideas aren’t new or unique. And I think so many people with so many thoughts, ideas and experiences and they fade into the past where no one can ask them about it. But then maybe, they’re never really gone.
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Ants go marching
I don’t know why I would think these things, I might’ve been 8 or 9, but as a kid my mind would explore, wonder, ask questions I didn’t know the answers to. What am I? Maybe I was an ant before I was a human… maybe I’ll be something else after this life. It must’ve been my intuition there’s more to us than what we see… our soul, our essence. Maybe I just wanted to ask the question, why are we here?
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A different world
My parents came to America from Korea, with barely a couple hundred dollars in their pocket. Had me right as they got here. Completely different culture. Didn’t speak English. Didn’t have a job. They didn’t understand America the way they knew Korea. Growing up, as a child I remember, thinking or realizing I would need to try, work at least twice as hard to “make it”, fit in, be accepted or just even reach the same things as those that have been here for generations.
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Nostalgia
There’s a certain smell, a dewy air of freshness. Breathing the air feels like it’s bringing life into my blood. The sun glowing, a warm, bright hue to the sky makes everything soft yet crystal clear. Life comes to a stand still, not a worry, the stress fades and everything is at is should be, at least for that moment, this present moment. And the feeling takes me back to when I was a child, connecting me to the past me, without a care in the world.
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Is this it
I must’ve been 7 or 8 years old, it was a couple seasons of going to school, summer break, going to school, summer break, and doing this a couple times and just feeling like, “This is it?”
Sounds nihilistic as I type it out now. But I think instead of a sense of fatalism it gave me a sense of curiosity and discovery, “There’s gotta be more.” And I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be much, and it doesn’t have to answer life’s greatest mysteries but for me to hold onto the curiosity and wonderment to seek.