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One step forward, two steps forward
Probably not how you remember that saying. But why is it, “one step forward, two steps back”? Nature’s way of setting things right. Can’t have too many wins. Can’t get too far ahead of anyone. Can’t have the wind on your back for too long?
Or maybe it’s a self-defeating proposition. Pride? Ego? Arrogance? I think there’s a pocket, we know what it feels like, that feeling of the wind on your back, life feels… effortless. Not too much thinking. Not too much calculating, trying to predict how to get to the next place. That pocket is flow.
But the two steps back… what is that? Maybe that thought pops into your mind “this is too good to be true”, “I don’t deserve this” or maybe subconsciously, you don’t feel like you earned it, it becomes a self-sabotage. Just those thoughts alone are enough to get you out of sync with that flow. You’re not in that pocket anymore, too far out in front of the wind, start thinking too much, losing the momentum, losing the flow, stumbling, tumbling, falling.
Here’s the secret. You don’t deserve it. It’s not about deserving it. Because if it was about earning it, nobody can do enough to earn it. Hard work. Effort. Discipline. Perseverance. Sure. All good things. But doing them without the expectation of “deserving” it, that’s on another level.
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Oppression of Fear
I remember realizing one day, what I was resisting, rejecting, rebelling against my parents, my mom in particular was taking on her fears, accepting her premises, conforming to her perceptions about the state of life, perceptions on how to live, but it was mostly her fears being projected onto me that I was resisting, somehow instinctually I knew if I’d accept it I’d be imprisoned by the mindset, attitudes, stress and anxiety. That’s what I was rejecting, the fear and conforming to that outlook, the imprisonment.
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Interwoven
The contradiction… the paradox is, as much as we are different, we are all the same, woven from the same fabric of humanity. What is able is what is capable. The best of us, the worst of us, we are all on the same fabric of humanity.
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What is able is what is capable
Is there a difference between what is capable between one person and another. Physical difference? Intellectual difference? Experiential difference? Skill, talent, ability? Is it because one person more special over another? Where is the line drawn between what one person accomplishes and where another fails?
Maybe the way to solve this is to make a list. Compare someone that might have more achievements, try to list out all the differences or reasons for why they have succeeded. How many of them are out of someone’s control? How many are controllable? How much of it is just a matter of time, effort, longevity and patience? At what point does the list seem like it makes no difference at all? Maybe they’re perceived advantages or if you think about it sometimes the disadvantages can be advantages or the advantages could be disadvantages or maybe the list starts to look like rationalizing and bias.
I would contend there’s most likely no real significant differences between those that “succeed” and those that “don’t”. Any real physical difference? Different cells? Two brains? Super human strength? Or perhaps maybe there’s an intellectual difference? But wouldn’t the remedy for that just be the pursuit of knowledge and experience?
The point that I’m trying to make is that we all have ability, possibility and empowerment through our decisions. Maybe we’ll never sprint as fast as an Olympic 100m runner but it doesn’t mean we can’t sprint as fast as our body is physically able. And just because we can’t run as fast as them doesn’t mean there isn’t beauty, meaning and value in the pursuit of maximizing our potential. Take heart, have faith and courage in your pursuit.
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Normal
Being different is difficult. It’s unnatural. You don’t want to be different. Nobody wants you to be different. It’s so much easier if you are like everyone else. It’s so much easier on you. So much easier for others to relate, accept, understand you. It’s painful learning how to accept being different.
But once you step outside the bubble, you can almost never be the same. You see things different. You respond to things differently. Things have different meaning, purpose, significance.
That bubble though, it’s such a safe, comfortable, protective feeling. Nobody wants to leave that feeling of security, people do whatever they can to not leave that bubble. I don’t think anyone leaves that bubble on purpose. You get kicked out for being different, for not conforming, not assimilating, getting rejected. Bubble bursted.
The difficult lesson of accepting how to be different, is a lesson in having grace, compassion and understanding for yourself. Then strength in your vulnerability. Then conviction in your differences. Then faith and confidence in your differences and the differences in other people.
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You fear it because it means something to you
Fear let’s you know you’re in the right place. You’re going in the right direction. Fear is what’s covering up, hiding, distracting, pushing you away from your deepest, most meaningful, significant dream.
If you’re afraid of it, you should question that fear…
Why are you afraid of it? But more importantly, What would you accomplish, what ability, knowledge or experience would you acquire if you faced your fear?
Face it down, be bold. You are the pioneer, you are on the frontier of fearlessness. Breaking down the walls for those behind you.
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Significantly insignificant
The insignificance of an unremarkable life.
How will I be remembered? How will I be known? Will I have made most of this time on earth, known as “life”?
Insignificant.
Unremarkable.
Forgotten.
Unknown.Is this all there is? When I pass, what did I leave behind? Some live their lives as if it’s money, legacy, power, history, achievement, recognition…
The significance is in, what you made of this moment, the here and now. What you did to turn your fears into fearlessness. How many of these miracles you brought into reality. Whenever you did that, it creates a ripple in time and space, in the fabric of human connectedness that you will never see the outcome or fathom the reaches.
Overcoming your fears, to persevere with fearlessness in the midst of trauma, pain, hurt, anxiety, stress, disconnectedness, separation, guilt, judgment, rejection, anger, resentment, unforgiveness… that is a miracle. That is remarkable. That is significant. That is powerful. That is a legacy.