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Embracing Uncertainty
The intuitive journey, the unknown exploration, discovery. It is not certain. It starts as a hunch, a gut feeling, instinct… intuition. It is not clarity nor certainty, but it is confidence in the conviction. The only thing for certain is knowing where you started and where you’ve been. It’s heading in a direction, two choices left or right, splitting the hemisphere by 180°, honing in, following your instincts, narrow the direction to 90°, then to 45°, 20°, 10°, 5° until you find yourself on the 0° line. Fine tuned. Clarity. Certainty.
But this process is not for everyone, for the process-driven an intuitive journey is uncertain. For the process-driven, relying on the process is what gets us to the finished product. It’s seeing the finished product before the process begins. Process-driven does not rely on creativity, discovery, spontaneity, agility and decision-making. All those things happened long before, the process was built around the first creation. Process-driven’s main objective is consistency, production, dependability, accuracy.
The intuitive journey is picking a direction before even knowing what the finished product will be. But an untamed intuitive journey can become too one-sided as well. Meandering, grazing, without constraints, without direction, indulgent, unresponsive, without purpose, vision.
For an intuitive, process feels stifling and rigid, like being locked in a prison or the regimented structure of being in the military – no creativity, no imagination, no decision-making, no autonomy or freedom. For the conceptual, intuitive work feels overwhelmingly too open and abstract, scary to not know the next move, to not have a defined next step that is either proven, justified or quantifiable – it’s like being at sea, open water, nothing in sight in either direction and the decision simply feels like, “we’re going this direction” based on “intuition”.
We naturally have a more dominant side we use more, intuitive vs conceptual. Of the two, “process”, the conceptual is the easiest to teach and learn. The more abstract and challenging side to learn is intuition, it is intangible, almost indescribable. Many of the best athletes in the world are unable to teach, transfer the knowledge that made them the best in the world. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible. As “average” people we can make learning to balance intuition and process a purpose and vision for ourselves. Balancing the intuitive and conceptual, knowing how to use what, when and where. How to leverage one over the other. Use them complimentary to each other, structure to enhance, strengthen and give purpose and refinement. Loving the other side of what we are not “good” at, the opposite of what we naturally gravitate towards, is a way to practice more empathy for ourselves and others.
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Self-Managing Energy
Understanding how I use energy, where I expend energy the most, how I’m able to recharge, where I’m able to draw and ride energy, not tap into a low energy source, knowing why and where my energy usage might be inefficient.
As an introvert, I’m always working to try and reconcile the unseen parts of the external world with my internal reality. Trying to find patterns, reconciling inconsistencies, trying to identify the “real” reality. This is a very exhausting expenditure in a social gathering. The mental fatigue is from trying to maintain the “inner” reality in a social gathering, which is mainly an externalized activity – the external physical body interacting with the seeable external world.
Practicing extroversion, that is, not resisting the external physical body from interacting with the seeable external world – not trying to maintain an internal world reality when in an external social setting. It’s like trying to maintain two conversations at once.
The reasons why we try to stay in one world over the other. First, one is more comfortable, easier to get into, and provided the most reward and validation. It is also a defense mechanism, protective realm, essentially one world has proven to be more “right” or safer than the other. Listening too much to the internal voice, can tend to lead to very critical thoughts, so we might avoid the inner reality and use the physical world to distract or occupy ourselves from thinking too much. Or maybe as a child we tried to do sports but we got injured or weren’t very coordinated and led to unpleasant experiences, we might shy away from physical activity and feel safer in our internal world.
But one world is not more “real” than the other. We need both. As we get older, more mature, we can practice living in both, even though one might be easier or stronger than the other. Trying and practicing both, we’re exercising empathy, experiencing different perspectives, developing parts of our personality, mindset and thought process.
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More “wins”
In my experience, I’ve found that anything that starts with an expectation or desired outcome is a formula for the Ego to take control. The desire or expectation inherently establishes the opposite dichotomy of not meeting expectations or obtaining the desired outcome. Maybe it’s the fear of failure, or it’s not even a full-fledge fear it’s the possibility of, the logic that only one outcome can be true given any possible scenarios, gives the Ego a sliver of an opening to come out and play. That if unchecked will take over and ruin the experience.
But then I think, there are many people, athletes or other smart, skilled people that do live their life setting up expectations, driving forward, unstoppable, willing themselves to success, overcoming setbacks along the way. But I imagine it feels like trying to feed an unquenchable hunger, trying to satisfy the Ego that will never be satisfied or fulfilled, even with more and more accomplishments. But you’re only as good as your last venture, success or fail. And each accomplishment has to be bigger and better than the last. While reaching each accomplishment only feeds into the Ego, making it even more powerful and insatiable than before.
It seems unsustainable, unsatisfying and the only thing that you can hold onto with any kind of comfort or justification is the accomplishments but they’re just a fleeting memory and the sensation of success was never really fully satisfying because it was always onto the next big thing.
But then I ask, is the expectation or the desire to “win” necessary to do your best, to be fully present, give all your energy and focus in what you’re doing. Maybe the stakes of competition does bring out that primal focus for many people. But is it absolutely necessary? I don’t think it is. I think being fully immersed, engaged, present, focused, intense, creative is actually easier, optimized and maximized without expectations. It actually puts you in a mental state and focus that produces more energy and ability that will ultimately result in more “wins”.
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Open-ended Momentum
These thoughts are not a fixed point of a static mindset. They are open-ended statements, meant to move forward, correct or revaluate, develop, grow from, create discourse, conversations, agree or disagree. They are not an end-all be-all. They are just a flicker of a thought in a moment in time. Capturing thoughts, words on paper to he shared or ignored, open-ended momentum that began with curiosity.
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Flowstate Journal
I’d been dealing with low-key stress and anxiety. It’s the kind where you can’t even pinpoint where it’s coming from. It’s just a gnawing, nagging feeling, draining, straining, fatiguing – drains your focus, energy, patience, creativity, clarity. Uneasy that you’re not putting your attention where it should be. Anxiety from feeling like you should be working on something else. Guilty that you can’t focus completely on what you’re doing. Stress that you’re not doing your best work.
So I did an experiment. For a couple days I did a flowstate journal. Every 20 or 45 minutes I took a moment to check my flowstate. Give myself a score between 5 and 10. Was I able to focus, be present in what I was doing. That would be an 8, 9 or 10. Was I stressed, anxious or unable to focus on what I was doing. That would be like a 5, 6 or 7.
If so, why? Sometimes the answer would be… I’m thinking about another task I feel like I should be doing, maybe because it’s urgent or causing frustration or confusion. Sometimes the answer would be I don’t have clarity in what I’m doing, I don’t know what the next steps are. Or I’d be stuck in indecisiveness, trying to be certain it was the right decision before choosing and taking action. Or maybe I was procrastinating because I don’t want to do it for some hangup or another. Or I start to feel anxious cause I start to think or wish the task or project was already done or should be done already. Or I’m forcing the issue, I don’t have any good creativity, ideas or thoughts and I’m forcing myself to try and have one. Or I’m rushing, already thinking about the next task. Or I feel frustrated and impatient when things are not efficient, optimized, feel like I’m wasting my time or not working well. Or anxiety if I don’t have all the information I need to make the right decision. Or anxiety when I feel like I don’t know how to do something.
I did this journal for a few days. And as I watched my thoughts, feelings and emotions, monitored how my energy was being spent, wasted and taxed on this stress and anxiety. A reoccurring theme, they were all based on fears. And as I began to identify what was causing this stress and anxiety. It would take a simple reframe or reset to counter those thoughts. Limit how much time I spent on something, and give it my fullest attention for that given time frame. If I was stuck on indecisiveness, just choose one and do it, if it didn’t work or I didn’t like it do the other choice. Just mechanically, stoically do the tasks I didn’t want to do, ignoring the hangup, don’t let it be an emotional tie or make it personal or about my value or identity. Stop looking too far ahead, before things are done. Be okay with not having good ideas, creativity or thoughts, just leave it alone for a while. Be okay with not knowing everything. Let things be inefficient or unoptimized, work to make the process better but don’t get hung up on the state of it’s condition, let it be what it is, better will come.
The flowstate journal really helped me listen to myself, have awareness and identity things that were draining my energy and stealing my flowstate. I did this journal for consecutive days at first and then less and less over the next week or two. To the point now, I don’t have to do it anymore. I’ve become acutely aware of how to manage my energy and flowstate.
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Accuracy
A results-oriented mindset would rather,
- Put up 200 lbs with bad form then do 50 lbs with proper form and technique
- Run 8 miles with bad form, foot strike, mechanics and mobility than practice running 100 feet with correct ability
- Look “healthy” rather than do anything to be healthy
- Convince other people they’re right without having to be right, instead of actually being right
- Have a “good” job rather than be at the “right” job doing good work
- Focus on making a lot money rather than not making it about money
- Look like having a lot of money rather than living within affordable means
- It’s better for others to think their life is great and awesome, but in reality isn’t the reality
- Fake it until you make it
Results oriented thinking creates bad habits. Values what other people think over authentic self-awareness. Puts priority in the ends to justify compromising the means. Mistakes, fallacies, improper behavior is okay as long as the results delivered. Results oriented thinking makes secondary or altogether avoids or ignores learning foundational and core principles, building blocks towards excellence and mastery.
It takes more courage and confidence to not have to give the impression of something more or better than it really is, to ignore and move past the pressure of having to perform. Leaving yourself vulnerable to be judged at the level you really are. Everyone judges. But be okay with where you’re at, give yourself permission to be you – you, in turn, gives others courage and permission to be their true self. It’s not accurate to over-estimate your abilities but it’s also inaccurate to under-estimate your abilities, so don’t the opposite. Just be accurate. Accuracy, provides a clearer roadmap, progression steps, an honest awareness of what needs to be worked on and what is getting better. Accuracy is foundational and first-principled thinking.
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Intuition Work
A powerful method for developing ideas – leave it. Give an idea the time and attention it needs. No more. No less. If you’re sitting at your desk and you can’t think of what to write next, or come up with any new thought or idea, give it a rest and leave it. Chances are you’ve expended your decision-making tank of energy. Sitting there forcing yourself to come up with ideas, new thoughts might force you to come up with bad ideas and or start finding sub-par thoughts acceptable. Creativity requires the freshest, most ample amount of energy. You need an over-abundance of mental energy to get the most of what you want.
Leaving the work, and putting it aside to do something else, frees up the part of the brain you’ve been working. Your brain will get repetition fatigue, similar to only doing squats or throwing a baseball 100 times in a row. Your body and brain can only do so much. By using a different part of your brain you’re letting the creative, thought-developing part of your brain take a break, to recover for another sprint.
So that means repetition and frequency is an important part of this process. Come back to the work at regular intervals, whether that’s daily, every other day, weekly or even monthly. You are programming a creative working rhythm for your mind. A pattern of rest, work, rest, work. Leaving it doesn’t mean not planning a regular schedule to return to it, or forgetting about it and coming back to it the next time you remember or feel the motivation to do get back at it.
Building this pattern does a couple things, it establishes multiple connection points in time. These connections over days, weeks, months and years, builds, develops and strengthens your thought processing power, ability and capacity. It also connect ideas through time, which will make your idea more developed, tested, filtered, processed, enhanced and developed. Developing your ideas in an active, direct and focused way i.e. an idea that seemed good yesterday, might not seem as good the next day, forcing you to come up with something different, better but that you couldn’t have come up with, without thinking of the “bad” idea first.
But this pattern also activates your mind to do subconscious work. Establishing a routine of coming back to the idea development or creative work, programs your brain work in the background. You might be watching a completely unrelated show but something someone says, or something that happens becomes a key to the puzzle of the idea you’re developing. Or you’ll be in the shower and the idea or thought suddenly surfaces to your mind. Your brain is constantly working, even when we think it isn’t. Even in our sleep, our brain is trying to process things that are on our mind, working on, confusing us, we have questions to, trying to recognize patterns and make sense of what we’re not aware of. I think this is the most powerful, high-capacity, calculative part of our brain. We just have to know how to enable it, use it, and trust that it’s working but also then be able to access it. Which is probably the more seemingly unintuitive part, which is why it makes it all about intuition.
Trust your instincts. Trust your intuition. What’s internal and subconscious accessed through instincts and intuition, rest and trust. So don’t create unnecessary stress by trying to force ideas or intuition. Your internal brain is doing subconscious work but take physical notes. Always be jotting things down. Create a smooth, unobtrusive pathway from your brain to the externality of your fingertips.
Another tip to accessing your intuition, know where you left off when you leave your work. So that you can quickly resume your work when you come back. In fact, better yet, leave your work at the beginning of a new thought or idea. Don’t leave your idea at a point of not knowing what do do next or state of confusion. Although sometimes you have to, then at least know what the question is you’re trying to answer. So that your mind can work on it while you’re away. When you leave your work at the beginning of a thought, there’s a fresh wave of momentum when you come back to it, a whole store of ideas and thoughts that your mind had been developing in the background. And this is where intuition and instinct energizes. The mistake is assuming the thoughts and ideas are being generated as you’re sitting doing your work. What’s actually happening is that sitting and doing the work is actually just a spigot of what’s been ruminating and being developed subconsciously in the in-between time.