Someone once asked me, how do you know when you’re ready to have kids…
I think when you’re a child of a parent, as a baby you have to learn to Receive Unconditional Love – with the most basic of necessities, feeding, changing diapers, bathing, holding, affection, attention. As you continue to grow and as a child, you receive teachings, communication, discipline and attention in different ways. And it continues on as you grow up into young adulthood and for as long as you have a parent that nurtures and supports you.
Then as an adult, when you get into a relationship, you learn how to Give and Receive Conditional Love – straight forward, you love someone because they love you and they love you because you love them. It’s a give and take of attributes each person sees as love from the other person. But also forging Conditional Love through difficult times, learning lessons on communication, desires, needs, selfishness, disagreements. Two different lives coming together as one to try to move together but as individuals.
Then when this couple have a child, the parent learns about Giving Unconditional Love – coming back full circle they close the loop. They now know what it means to give unconditionally. There is no great reward for changing diapers, nothing in return for feeding and burping a baby, it’s such a one-sided demand the baby requires all the attention, affection and nurturing but it comes naturally. The parent “loves” it, the work, the time, giving everything they have to this small helpless being. And they’ll need all that time of bonding to help carry them through the difficult times as the child grows older, and that’s when unconditional love shows its true strength, endurance and infinite perseverance.
This pathway isn’t perfect and no one has gone through it with the greatest teacher or as the best student or reached each paradigm as a complete person. You’ll never be ready to have kids, no one is ever ready but I told them, I think if you can at least see or understand those are the landmarks for each stage then it’s at least helpful to know where you trying to go.