Parts of my past will just pop into my head. I remember as a young adult communicating so poorly. I remember specifically on of the problems was my thoughts would jump way ahead of where the conversation was and I would say something but no one understood what I was saying. I acted as if everyone was in my head and could see what I was thinking or maybe I was assuming everyone followed the same logic or process.
That was just one my communication problems. Whatever it was it would just be poor communication. These were usually conversations with older people or in meetings in some kind of planning or committee discussions. I wasn’t conveying my thoughts very effectively. And it would scare or sometimes embarrass me from wanting to speak aloud again.
Feeling like I had nothing useful to express or no one understood me. The ability to take what was in my head as ethereal, abstract thoughts and transform them into physical, audible sound waves that can then be interpreted by another person felt so elusive… an impossibility. I mean basically trying to translate a language I didn’t know.
So either be locked by my silence or find the key to the lock, from a pile of keys and a stack of locks. It was uncomfortable, difficult, felt impossible at times. To learn how to speak more effectively, efficiently. Learn to separate and order the thoughts in my head. Then learn how to listen as the other person, being more sensitive to how they might see or hear things. Being attentive to how they might understand things. Being more aware of their physicality, body language, expressions and even more sensitive to unseen energy. Then translating the thoughts in my head into words, with more precision and clarity. While first learning to speak aloud explanations and thought processes and then being able to connect my deeper expressions, perspectives and internal states with actual spoken words.
Resistance. Resistance from the fear. Sometimes we’re put in a place where fear is the only song playing in our head. Is it a coincidence that wherever we go, we face the same fears. Sometimes that fear is separating us from a part of ourselves, the best part of ourselves, the best part of what we can put into the world. Fear is the separation. Isolated. Alone. Facing fear. Overcoming fear. Finding fearlessness. Fearlessness is love. Love brings connectedness.