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Intentionality. Generosity. Curiosity.
Letting go of trying to know the process, forcing the process, but letting the process happen as it happens. Not letting the mental and emotional tax of going through a new process rob the experience and intentionality of discovery and creativity. Being open to not trying to meet some expectation of what the end result should be, but going on the journey of discovering what it is.
Intentionality in being open, generous, curious to the discovery. Iterations, giving and letting go of the previous generation of ideas for new better ones.
Integrity and rigor. Brainstorming. Ideating. Challenging. Refining. Iterating. Building a process, through the process. But a process that creates fluidity between process and freeform. A delicate balance, too much freeform can lose form, too much process can be too rigid. Careful to maintain both. Mindfulness. Respect. Unselfishness. Humility. Creativity. Invigorating to feel the energy come together, the diligent work upfront payoff, carrying through like a tailwind at the end.
The challenge, trying to have that open posture but how does that work in a professional setting, when outcome, results and expectations are required by co-workers, teams and companies. I think what I’ve tried to do is create that space of openness around the projects and people that I work with. Allowing permission to work it out, iterate, be open, keep moving forward. And bring people on that journey and confidence in the openness of the process.
Learning, maybe that this isn’t just a hypothesis or experiment, that the ability to be open and let it be fluid is a valid, creative, intuitive approach – but can also create some uncertainty and anxiety with those that aren’t used to it so I need to be mindful and be even more open, transparent in those places.
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What if?
Fixed-mindset posture vs growth-mindset. First I should say, I don’t think I or people are 100% growth-mindset or fixed-mindset. I think we all have different degrees of how and where. Someone could have a fixed-mindset with learning a new language but growth-mindset with learning to cook. But maybe we’re not aware of these distinctions within ourselves, they’re just stories we tell ourselves.
A fixed-mindset, a limiting belief. I can’t get into college. I don’t deserve this job. People’s perceptions of me, my perception of myself. Change is hard, change is impossible. What if I don’t have it, what if I can’t do it, what if it doesn’t work? Why should I change? Give me one good reason. Wouldn’t changing mean, I was wrong this whole time? What will people think? I’ve built up this reputation, I am who I am, now what? I’m supposed to change? I’m afraid though, what if I can’t do it, what will people think of me? What will I think of myself? How do I even do it?
A fixed-mindset conversation feels closed off to the curiosity of the question “What if?”
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Change starts with curiosity
Maybe it’s like a sibling or child watching their parent’s argue. But they’re both right, both wrong, sometimes even saying the same thing but just coming from a different place.
I don’t necessarily agree with every position, but I can see given someone’s experiences, life, emotions, highs and lows, adversity, triumphs, sadness, happiness, darkest moments, fears, desires how someone could come to think what they do. I just think we’re more connected than we think we are. I think we are the best of who we are but maybe also the converse of that might be true too?
I think some conflict and confrontation is useful, necessary even. These might be one of things I can takeaway or learn to develop. When and how to use conflict and confrontation as a friction point for balance and harmony? Maybe there’s a way to do this without the walls and defensiveness to go up right away when conflict and confrontation arises. Or maybe the point isn’t for walls to come down and find common ground but to make a stand and show conviction to others that might not have the voice.
A thought or persuasion might be lifelong or it might just be a moment in someone’s life. We’re always changing, growing, not a blip on timeline but a culmination of our journey not just from what was but also what is yet to come.
I’ve been on the other side of positions, discussions, debates, arguments. Done with the expectation of wanting to change the other person’s mind or wanting to be right. But as I’ve learned being curious, earnestly wanting to understand what the other person is thinking, feeling or coming from, seems to put us in a better place then when we started after the conversation.
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No-man’s land
We all see things so differently. Everyone is so unique. We can’t all be right. We can’t all be wrong. Different desires. Different values. Different approaches, judgments. Aren’t we all just trying to do what we think to know is best. Is it right or wrong? Maybe it’s good, better, best.
Often times, I find myself able to see both sides of a position. I can understand why, even down to the feelings and personal attachments. When I listen to a someone talk about a position I don’t initially understand or agree with, my first inclination is curiosity. I don’t start with the premise that they’re wrong. I start asking the question “why” and “how”.
Starting with the expectation of changing someone’s mind or perspective is a difficult posture. Maybe that’s what I’m here to learn. But so far what I’ve come to is the only real expectation I can have for myself is to offer empathy and the intentionality of being available and trying to understand.
But what am I missing here? The change? ‘Does being able to see both sides, make it feel like finding myself not having a side. Admittedly, maybe I am often times in “no-man’s land”, almost like not having an opinion. When people are looking for assertions, I might be making accommodations. Maybe it’s my desire to seek balance and harmony, avoid conflict and confrontation. Trying to synthesize people’s thoughts, ideas and intentions into the best case scenario.
I feel myself questioning this line of curiosity, what is the exploration, discovery? Finding stakes in an assertion. Not just seeing both sides of the position but having a stake in one position… bringing it all back to decisions, goals, stakes.
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Decisions without stakes are not decisions at all
“Be the change you want to create.” Decisions, making decisions but not really making decisions with risk, stakes. Real decisions with stakes. What’s really at the heart of these decisions. What decisions move toward making the change that I want to be?
The change I’m trying to make, or maybe the momentum I’m trying to generate. That the extra detail, work, conviction to align the intention and the output to the narrowest gap, almost seamless is worth it. The goal might be actual tangible deliverables. But the expectations might be subjective, qualitative. The stakes are building something that people love and connect with, between the inner walls of the product to the audience it seeks to engage.
But the process isn’t defined, the outcome or success is not guaranteed. This is the change to create within myself. Lean in, trust intuition, have conviction, build process. Make a decision with stakes, deliver the expectations.
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Goals, where response and reward converge
If I were a chef, I’d cook what I wanted cook, using my creativity, aesthetics, flavor palette and hope somebody would like it. That’s not really a goal. While others might cook what they knew people wanted and satisfy their needs. Goals seem more easily derived from this mindset. Maybe I feel it’s too much of a sacrifice? Maybe I don’t want to lose my voice? Maybe I’m judging myself unable to meet the need; scared of “failure”, “rejection”?
But maybe if I were a chef, the more holistic way to look at it… starting from mindset of understanding, empathizing other’s needs/desires but I’m bringing who I am to fulfill that need. As in I can bring together the recipes, dishes, flavors the only way I know how. That in itself is the uniqueness, creativity, generosity; bringing my whole self and connecting to what I do to serve others.
But maybe that’s what goals are, where people meet in the response and reward… where the response is the reward and the reward is the response.
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Goals give me low-key anxiety
What makes me hesitant to state obvious, clear goals. Results should be important, they are important. But expectations seem to rob me of being present and the experience. Goals are a clear measurement, they are a definition of success, a North Star to provide a path forward and define results, requiring recalibration and adjustments.
Define the results, value them with emphasis and importance. Fully invest the process and effort to the outcome. Engage in the feedback loop of reaction and response. Get thrown into the waves of success and disappointment.