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Different but the same
To everyone who’s ever felt different, a little unique, not the norm, on the outside looking in, weird, strange, off, sees things from a different point of view… not willing to go with the crowd, not willing to accept the status quo, not willing to be afraid of stepping out of line… who hasn’t settled on being the same, assimilating, conforming.
There’s beauty in being different, seeing things through a slightly different lens, and expressing that difference with life, love and kindness. Embracing your uniqueness, being bold in what makes you special. Don’t be afraid. Don’t feel outcast. Don’t feel discouraged. You’re not alone.
Please, keep being different, but not for being different’s sake, for the sake of staying guarded, distanced and separated, be different to help bring more compassion and understanding to this world, to help bring differences together.
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The Gift
We all have a gift, talent, ability that we want and need to share with the world. We love doing it, we love getting lost in it, we love how it makes us feel. And the more we do it, the better we get at it. Doing it, is its own reward. But we also love connecting to other people with it. It’s meant to be shared, given away.
It is our gift. A gift to us but it also becomes our gift to others. It’s what we were born to do, something that is innately who we are. This is what we want to share with the world. It is what the world needs, requires of us. Just through the act of bringing it into the world is an act of sharing and generosity. It is of important value and connection. It’s how we want to be seen, how we want to be perceived, what brings us meaning and purpose. It is our contribution to the world and what connects us to all.
People want to bring their talents to the world. Express what’s inside of them. Experience generosity and sharing. Sometimes that talent is not obvious or straight forward, sometimes it’s hidden, subtle, complex and takes time to understand and appreciate. Don’t quit, don’t give up, don’t get discouraged. Perseverance is also a gift.
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Inevitable Failure
What if you knew the outcome was not going to be what you wanted.
What if the results weren’t going to be what you expected.
What if it was going to end in Inevitable Failure.Is the effort more valuable than the outcome?
Could you produce the same kind of effort, production, motivation, desire, quality, output as if being able to succeed? Is it important? Is there value in it? What’s more valuable the process or the outcome?
I think most people would like to believe in the ideology, and say that the effort is important, is valuable. But practically find it hard to live out. In an ideal world, we think this is a lesson in character and integrity, results shouldn’t matter, it’s about the effort. But in reality results to do matter, that’s what everyone sees. So how in one’s heart, mind and attitude can they put out the same effort that’s just as valiant, in a scenario where the outcome is not going to go their way.
Success or “winning” has many variables, there are many uncontrollable factors. But what is controllable is effort, consistency, motivation, quality. Bill Walsh’s book was titled “The Score Takes Care of Itself”. His philosophy (my takeaway) was that focusing on winning or losing produces a suboptimal mental state for performance, drawing unnecessary attention to an unforeseeable outcome, consequently taking focus and energy away from the immediate task and responsibility at hand. The only thing that should matter is what needs to be done in the present moment and doing it well.
Maybe failures are just incremental steps toward leveling up quality and increasing the potentiality and frequency of success. Intentionality and focus on consistency, quality and the process – success is just a byproduct of a consistent progression of quality. Develop and progress the quality with consistency and “winning” will be more consistent. “Winning takes care of itself”
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Ego eats the fear
Fear is the most vulnerable, inner-most soul of who we are. Whatever specific fears we might have, however they might look like. They are rooted in our most primal fear of separation, rejection, judgment. The fear, thousands of years of social and communal existence has taught us, being separated, cast out, exiled from the tribe is as good as death. The ultimate form of rejection and judgment. Whether a transgression detrimental to the tribe or not being able to contribute to the tribe’s survival or even for just being different.
Ego feeds off the fear. The Ego is the defense mechanism. It hides the fear. Protects the fear. The Ego is not just an over-inflated sense of value or self-importance or an exaggerated over-confidence and power-trips, full of repeated arrogant decisions. The Ego can become like that, a monster as we say, obvious and easily recognized.
But the Ego is also more subtle, nuanced, hidden in plain sight. The Ego is driven, motivated, empowered by fear. Any decision, action, thought based on fear is the Ego acting on behalf of fear for the sake of its own survival. The Ego comes alive because of the fear, when the Ego comes into existence, it does whatever it takes to keep itself alive, which ultimately means keeping the fear alive and real because it is its source – protecting it, hiding it, masking it.
The Ego itself is like its own living breathing entity, keyed on surviving. It creates a belief system, a set of rules, parameters around what it thinks will allay those fears and ensure its survival by making sure those fears don’t come true, but at the same time keeping those fears alive just by maintaining the system – and hence keeping the Ego in existence, ensuring its own survival.
i.e. A child afraid of their parent’s disapproval. In the child’s ego mind, they believe they must become “successful” to gain their parent’s approval. So they work hard to get good grades, go to a good school, get a good job and onto more “successful” accomplishments. But maintenance of this belief system never removes the fear, it just keeps the scenario they’re afraid of from coming true but at the same time keeps the fear alive and even more “real” by emphasizing and reiterating it by using the belief system to define and inform their actions, thoughts and decisions.
The fear gives rise to the Ego, the Ego creates the system, the Ego becomes the system, establishing and feeding itself into existence.
But this Ego/Fear loop system doesn’t just reside in our biggest life decisions in career, self, relationships. We can also find them in some of our most mundane and everyday interactions. Whatever those fears may be, they are usually based around some form of separation, rejection, judgment. The Ego seeks actions that result in conformity, acceptance, validation.
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The Explorer
Learn, grow, discover by the act of doing. See, hear, touch, taste, smell. Touch the world around you. See the activity, shapes and interchange. Listen to the sounds of life and energy. Let your hands and body do the learning, discovering and finding patterns, understanding concepts through doing. There are no such thing as mistakes, just exploration and discovery. Let the brain interface with the world using your physical body. Let the learning happen in the space between the brain and the external world.
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Aesthetics
Artistry, craftsmanship, mastery becomes about understanding Aesthetics – the idealized version, what is beautiful, what is ideal, what is perfect, what is impeccable.
Artistry, craftsmanship, mastery is a progression, in the beginning using childlike brush strokes. Satisfied and content at the creation. Repeating the creation but the amazement and wonder begin to fade. A new version must be explored, discovered, reincarnated. Different but the same, but better. What used to be the best that had ever been done, is now a landmark of something learned, a journey toward something yet undiscovered, yet explored, a new aesthetic of what is good – moving beyond and past what you used to think was to your standard and your most beautiful creation. When you can finally discover the new creativity, a higher aesthetic – until once again that becomes flavorless and too simple.
Invest in artistry, craftsmanship, mastery – not just in art, but in work, skills, relationships, dreams, hobbies, interests and life pursuits. Be the champion of what is good. Be the messenger of what is ideal. Be the defender of beauty. Be the hero of a higher aesthetics. Then be generous with what you learned, teach us what we didn’t know, so that we can share in the beauty of the new found aesthetics.
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The Ripple
It’s fascinating to think about and question the ripples we are living in. The ripples of past decisions, actions, successes, failures, hope, courage, faith, love… fear.
Fear, that’s the biggest ripple.
Like ripples in the water, emanating from a single point of disruption, spreading, extending out in waves, lapping each other, over and over until it spreads so that one instant in the past, now transcends a lasting affect into the future.
Our fears but not just our fears, the fears of our mothers and fathers, their mothers and fathers and their mothers and fathers, and so on.
We are a sum of our decisions – our choices have gotten us to where we are today. But most if not all our decisions are based on some kind of fear. Which is not a bad thing, fear is our primal emotion for survival. But some fears we tell ourselves are irrational, figments or has no meaningful impact in our lives. Many of those kinds of fears are narratives we tell ourselves that might result in separation and rejection.
Maybe it’s not too hard to realize or admit we make decisions indirectly or subconsciously because of fear. But it is humbling to admit we are also living in the ripples of generational fears before us. Fears about money. Fears about relationships. Fears about career. Fears about family. Fears about friends. Fears about life and death. Fears of making the wrong decision. Fears about the future. Fears about the past. Fears about acceptance and validation. Fear of instability. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of hope. Fear of hopelessness.
But what do those fears look like, sound like? Maybe a parent has a fear of not having money or lack of job security. Maybe it sounds like, get good grades, go to a good college, get a good job. Maybe the child follows it or doesn’t follow that advice, but whether or not they do or don’t, they are living in the ripple of that fear. Where they’re making decisions based around a fear they might not instinctually have, but may eventually become adopted based on their decision.
We are all connected, living, feeling, reacting to the people, lives, energy around us. Like a butterfly effect, like the ripples in a pond, spreading, touching, affecting in ways unseen and untraceable but moving through all of us.