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Engine and Driving
A young boy, 8 or 10 years old, trying to kick a soccer ball into the goal from about 20 yards away, it would go wide left and completely miss. And he’d go into a moment of frustration and anger. He’d do this a couple more times, miss the goal and then go into a fit. After a couple more times of kicking and missing he went back even further, to about 40 yards and started kicking and missing from even further out. He finally dropped to the ground crying in frustration and anger.
I’m not judging this young boy but I’m judging what he was or wasn’t taught. I mean I think we’re all this young boy at some point in our lives, when our hearts and heads are bigger than our body.
The boy is obviously passionate but wasn’t taught a way to build a process. When we can make our heart the engine and our mind the steering wheel, then we can go and drive, then we can have our heart and mind working together, for each other. His passion made him want to go out there and practice and perform but that kind of fiery passion is usually interpreted into something like being able to kick the ball in from further and further away from the goal. The home run, touchdown, running or lifting your max on the very first day. As if, all it takes is passion, hunger and talent to be good.
The engine is the desire, motivation and energy to go out there to practice, perform and get better. The steering wheel is driving that energy into a sustainable, intrinsically rewarding, measurable process. The process is kicking the goal from 5 yards away, make 5 in a row, move 5 yards back, make 5 in a row, move 5 yards back and repeat, and repeat. There will be a distance where it will be more difficult and inconsistent to making 5 in a row. That’s when you just do your best and be okay with that being the limit… for today. Because you come out the next day, and start the process over, then you’ll find that the spot that was the limit the day before is a little bit easier the next day. And you’ll see your new limit is surpassing your previous limit. Do it again the next day and everyday you’ll reach your new best.
Some days will be easier, some days will be harder. And there will be times where knew progressions will have to be introduced to break through even harder ceilings but that’s okay because now you have a measurable, sustainable process. You’re using your head to drive your heart.
But why isn’t this approach more natural more instinctual, taught more? Because we’ve been taught to go for the home run, touchdown, it’s all about results. We only see and celebrate the end results, we don’t ever see the grind, the humble beginnings – nobody glamorizes that, nobody wants to see that. Be okay with starting small. Be okay with taking steps. Be okay with facing your limitations but knowing it’s not permanent.
The process frees us from limiting beliefs. That young boy, he decided to put his passion and fire into “trying his best” but he kept missing and “failing” and risked being on the verge of thinking, “I’m not good enough”, “I must not have what it takes”, “I should give up”.
But the process is just knowing the next step forward.
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Locked doors
Fear is like a locked door. Closing off different parts of our personality that we can’t access, cut off, unavailable to us. That we want to keep safe and away from the outer world.
Every fear faced and conquered unlocks different parts of our personality, humanity and spirit – the destiny of who we are to be. We are still who we are but different, growing, developing, reaching new levels of our humanity and a deeper capacity of love.
Overcoming and perseverance requires a mindset that teaches us skills to become that version of ourselves we see in our dreams. Overcoming fears is like learning the fire can’t burn you and you can walk through it unscathed, invincible. Allowing that part of our personality to be unlocked, to come out and be free, knowing it can never be hurt, knowing it’s invincible and free to play and be.
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Gatekeeper
There is a destiny, a dream inside us. Fear is the gatekeeper of that dream and destiny. Fear might be the enemy but maybe it’s just a gatekeeper.
There are certain skills we need for our dreams and destiny to bring more than just satisfaction and achievement to ourselves, to be able to bring something bigger and greater for us and others. Fears are those lessons learned. In order for us to face our fears, defeat and overcome them, we need humility, courage, confidence, faith, conviction, perseverance, compassion, forgiveness, generosity. These are all things this world needs more of and just by going through them, learning them, experiencing them, we bring those generosities into the world as inspiration and energy to be shared.
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Boss Battle
Fear is a “Boss Battle”. The last boss of the level, you need to defeat to move onto the next level. Where everything you learned, the skills you acquired to defeat that boss now become skills for the next level before you have to face the next boss.
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Blind Fear
What are you afraid of? Sometimes it’s an absolute unknown. Our fears hiding in plain sight. It’s confusing, we can’t explain it, we don’t even know what it is.
The first power is being able to see our fears. It hides from us like a mischievous child playing hide and seek. Obscuring. Elusive. And it’s a master puzzle maker, playing above and beyond our wits. Perplexing. Confounding. Keeping us trapped by our own fears that we don’t even know are there, limiting us, keeping us bound, stuck and resistant, hesitant to our own dreams and desires.
The first power is being able to see our fears. Being able to step outside ourselves. We are either blinded by our emotions or intellect, our fears have the ability to use either one against ourselves to obfuscate itself in truth like an invisibility cloak. We need to step outside ourselves, to see the labyrinth the fear has built.
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The Pathway of Love
As a child you learn how to receive love. Unconditional love from your parents.
As an adult you learn how to give love. Give conditional love to the one who loves you back.
As a parent you learn how to give love that is free and innate. Unconditional love for your child.
Someone once asked me, how I knew we were ready to have kids. I don’t think there is a perfect answer for that. But the above pathway is how I responded. I think if you can look back and see those first two points of love in your life, it’s a good start to find the third one.
Everyone should have a chance to experience those points of love in their life. But the world isn’t perfect, life doesn’t always go the way we want it. But finding those places where we need healing and redemption is a somewhere we can begin to look.
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Super Power: Heart and Mind
Some people follow their hearts.
Some people follow their minds.
Using your heart to follow your mind is a superpower.