Fear is the most vulnerable, inner-most soul of who we are. Whatever specific fears we might have, however they might look like. They are rooted in our most primal fear of separation, rejection, judgment. The fear, thousands of years of social and communal existence has taught us, being separated, cast out, exiled from the tribe is as good as death. The ultimate form of rejection and judgment. Whether a transgression detrimental to the tribe or not being able to contribute to the tribe’s survival or even for just being different.
Ego feeds off the fear. The Ego is the defense mechanism. It hides the fear. Protects the fear. The Ego is not just an over-inflated sense of value or self-importance or an exaggerated over-confidence and power-trips, full of repeated arrogant decisions. The Ego can become like that, a monster as we say, obvious and easily recognized.
But the Ego is also more subtle, nuanced, hidden in plain sight. The Ego is driven, motivated, empowered by fear. Any decision, action, thought based on fear is the Ego acting on behalf of fear for the sake of its own survival. The Ego comes alive because of the fear, when the Ego comes into existence, it does whatever it takes to keep itself alive, which ultimately means keeping the fear alive and real because it is its source – protecting it, hiding it, masking it.
The Ego itself is like its own living breathing entity, keyed on surviving. It creates a belief system, a set of rules, parameters around what it thinks will allay those fears and ensure its survival by making sure those fears don’t come true, but at the same time keeping those fears alive just by maintaining the system – and hence keeping the Ego in existence, ensuring its own survival.
i.e. A child afraid of their parent’s disapproval. In the child’s ego mind, they believe they must become “successful” to gain their parent’s approval. So they work hard to get good grades, go to a good school, get a good job and onto more “successful” accomplishments. But maintenance of this belief system never removes the fear, it just keeps the scenario they’re afraid of from coming true but at the same time keeps the fear alive and even more “real” by emphasizing and reiterating it by using the belief system to define and inform their actions, thoughts and decisions.
The fear gives rise to the Ego, the Ego creates the system, the Ego becomes the system, establishing and feeding itself into existence.
But this Ego/Fear loop system doesn’t just reside in our biggest life decisions in career, self, relationships. We can also find them in some of our most mundane and everyday interactions. Whatever those fears may be, they are usually based around some form of separation, rejection, judgment. The Ego seeks actions that result in conformity, acceptance, validation.