I’d been dealing with low-key stress and anxiety. It’s the kind where you can’t even pinpoint where it’s coming from. It’s just a gnawing, nagging feeling, draining, straining, fatiguing – drains your focus, energy, patience, creativity, clarity. Uneasy that you’re not putting your attention where it should be. Anxiety from feeling like you should be working on something else. Guilty that you can’t focus completely on what you’re doing. Stress that you’re not doing your best work.
So I did an experiment. For a couple days I did a flowstate journal. Every 20 or 45 minutes I took a moment to check my flowstate. Give myself a score between 5 and 10. Was I able to focus, be present in what I was doing. That would be an 8, 9 or 10. Was I stressed, anxious or unable to focus on what I was doing. That would be like a 5, 6 or 7.
If so, why? Sometimes the answer would be… I’m thinking about another task I feel like I should be doing, maybe because it’s urgent or causing frustration or confusion. Sometimes the answer would be I don’t have clarity in what I’m doing, I don’t know what the next steps are. Or I’d be stuck in indecisiveness, trying to be certain it was the right decision before choosing and taking action. Or maybe I was procrastinating because I don’t want to do it for some hangup or another. Or I start to feel anxious cause I start to think or wish the task or project was already done or should be done already. Or I’m forcing the issue, I don’t have any good creativity, ideas or thoughts and I’m forcing myself to try and have one. Or I’m rushing, already thinking about the next task. Or I feel frustrated and impatient when things are not efficient, optimized, feel like I’m wasting my time or not working well. Or anxiety if I don’t have all the information I need to make the right decision. Or anxiety when I feel like I don’t know how to do something.
I did this journal for a few days. And as I watched my thoughts, feelings and emotions, monitored how my energy was being spent, wasted and taxed on this stress and anxiety. A reoccurring theme, they were all based on fears. And as I began to identify what was causing this stress and anxiety. It would take a simple reframe or reset to counter those thoughts. Limit how much time I spent on something, and give it my fullest attention for that given time frame. If I was stuck on indecisiveness, just choose one and do it, if it didn’t work or I didn’t like it do the other choice. Just mechanically, stoically do the tasks I didn’t want to do, ignoring the hangup, don’t let it be an emotional tie or make it personal or about my value or identity. Stop looking too far ahead, before things are done. Be okay with not having good ideas, creativity or thoughts, just leave it alone for a while. Be okay with not knowing everything. Let things be inefficient or unoptimized, work to make the process better but don’t get hung up on the state of it’s condition, let it be what it is, better will come.
The flowstate journal really helped me listen to myself, have awareness and identity things that were draining my energy and stealing my flowstate. I did this journal for consecutive days at first and then less and less over the next week or two. To the point now, I don’t have to do it anymore. I’ve become acutely aware of how to manage my energy and flowstate.