When we were a child we heard…
Try your best.
Do your best.
Be your best.
And that was good enough, for a while. But then at some point being your “best” wasn’t good enough, we had to be “better”, but “better” means there’s a comparison.
Better than others.
Better than yourself.
Being “better” is better but a “better” means there’s also a not better. Don’t want to be on that side. Then comparisons become a competition.
The need to be better than yourself.
The need to be better than others.
Wanting to win. Needing to win. Not wanting to lose. Afraid of losing.
We’re taught this competition is the only game and the only way to win. But what if we’re not built this way?
What if I don’t think I’m better than others.
What if I don’t want to be better than others.
What if I don’t have a need to prove I’m the best.
Maybe competing with only yourself is the answer, but does it make it more sustainable or avoids purveying the dominant competitive hierarchy.
Yea maybe competing with yourself is slightly less of creating dominant structure, maybe it helps avoid thinking other people are less than or better than, maybe it helps not making everything a competition with everyone and everything is about winning and losing. Maybe it helps not thinking you’re on some scale comparing yourself to other people or helps to not think you’re better than, look down on or less than and put others on a pedestal.
I used to do that, try to tell myself I’m just competing with myself, with who I was yesterday. But it was still hard. I was so hard on myself, made me feel discouraged, and all of it was just a grind of trying to get to the next “win”. Because when I’m competing with myself, I was just replacing others with myself. All of that comparison, competition, judgment, need to be better was now aimed not at someone else but it was all aimed at me. It was very draining and unsustainable. Everyday was a grind of trying to muscle through another day. Stress. Anxiety. Depression. Discouragement. Even physical ailments. Feelings of not meeting expectations, requirements, losing.
So how? How did I get out of that? Actually, just going back to being a child.
Try your best.
Do your best.
Be your best.
Comparisons and competition are going to happen but that’s actually external to what we can control. It’s an external construct that people use to judge and make decisions. And that’s okay and I have to be okay with that. But I don’t let it define or make it my identity. All I can do is do the best with what I have at the given time. Bring my best into what I do. Bring all of who I am into what I’m doing. If I do that with conviction, passion, openness, frequency, quality in a sustainable, efficient and optimized process, growth, development and improvement will happen. But I can’t let the competition mindset take over my ambition or motivation. I’m simply doing what I do. A comparison or competition might happen along the way, and others might thing it’s better or less than what’s out there. But that’s okay, it’s a work in progress.